No Greater Joy

This morning I woke up and saw this on my daughter's Instagram.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

This verse is so true. More than happiness or success, fame or fortune, more than even their very health, I desire to see my children follow Jesus. 

Parenting a real live human quickly brings you to your knees. I never realized how flawed and sinful I was until I felt the responsibility to raise my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

What?!? God, I can't do this. Look at how I've failed You here and here and over here. What kind of an example can I be? Lord, please pick up the pieces and bring them to a saving knowledge of You. 

Steve and I have done what we know to do. We've taken them to church, Vacation Bible School, Awana, and youth camp. We've stopped and started family devotions more times than I'd like to admit over the years. We've blown it in big and small ways and asked their forgiveness. We've tried to explain why we do certain things and don't do other things from a Christian perspective. And we've prayed. Both with them and by ourselves, we pray that they will grow up to love and serve Jesus.

Today I give God the glory, great things He has done. May He continue to move and work in the lives of all of my children and may they each grow up to love and serve Him. 

Getting Through the First Goodbye

All over Facebook and Blogland I see mothers of freshman students breaking down as they leave their babies on college campuses for the first time. And I wince for them, feeling the pain, just as when I see one of my kids getting a shot that I know will be good for them in the long run.

I was right in the midst of all those feelings last fall. I didn't know how often I would see or talk to my daughter. I didn't know how much I would know about this new life she was building and where I would fit into it. I think that's the biggest fear of moms at this stage. How will college life change our relationship with our kids?

What I found out pretty quickly though is that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder in this situation. Being away made her enjoy and really want to spend her breaks and vacations with us. We've had a lot fun together this year and I can see that we're on our way to that long awaited parenting promised land of friendship. 

College brought about other positive changes in our relationship as well. I learned that she makes a lot of good decisions on her own and she learned that her parents often have good advice. I got used to not knowing what she was doing all the time and she started sharing more about her activities. I gave up and let her spend her money without as many questions and she discovered that budgeting is important. I started to let go and she reached out. 

This stage of life brings a lot of changes, but they're mostly good ones. Once you get going, it really is satisfying and amazing to see your kids take off on this new adventure. 

So when freshman year comes, cry and hug and bemoan that your baby has grown up. I fully intend to do all that next year when I drop off my son. But also know that you're going to like many of the changes college life brings!

Role Reversal

Role reversal. You hear about it when your kids are babies and you can't comprehend it. Their dependence is so complete and you can't imagine there will ever come a time when they will try to "mother" you. Then they start to grow and learn the word no, thereby showing they have minds of their own and won't always be under your control. But still you think, I'm the parent and older, so naturally I'll always be the one just a couple steps ahead of them. Fast forward another few years and you get a text like this...

Okay, I don't know what to make of this because I'm only barely 43, and apparently already unable to dress myself appropriately. I mean I honestly can't think of a time in my life when I've been planning to meet new people and I've said to myself, yes this is the perfect occasion for workout clothes. 

It seems my kids now think I don't know how to talk, dress, or conduct myself. I'm forever being cautioned to not show too much enthusiasm, not to talk too loudly, and not to draw any undue attention. I'm told when and how I can sing, never to dance, when and how to spend my money and what to cook. I'm informed which things I'm requesting matter and which ones are silly and ridiculous. They bristle at my questions and take offense if I express any doubt about their directives. My children are founts of wisdom no matter their level of experience or knowledge on any subject.

I've heard from parents a little farther down the road that I will regain some of my competence as my children age. Until then, I'll keep riding this out listening to the do's and don'ts of my five quasi dictators. I'd laugh at the irony of it all, if only I was allowed to show mirth of any kind! 

Freshman Finale

My oldest daughter is moving off campus with some friends next semester. Since they will pay rent year round, we actually got to move her into her new bedroom last weekend.

For the last couple months, I've been gathering used furniture and giving it a makeover for her new place. As I've sanded and painted, I've done it with love. Preparing and planning these things is a way to provide and protect her at an age when parenting is no longer very hands on. Hanging decorations and curtains, making the bed, finding ways to make her as comfortable as possible makes me feel like I'm caring for her from afar.

When we arrived her things were piled around the room and she had been sleeping on an air mattress for a few nights. It didn't feel like a place you'd want to hang out. But by the time we left, she was looking forward to sleeping there!

It's amazing how much different I felt moving her into this room than I did her dorm room just last fall. There were so many unknowns dropping her off at college for the first time. So many emotions ending one stage and beginning another. This time I only felt excitement and happiness that she's doing well in school and is enjoying her life there. She's making good decisions and I see her growing up in ways that make me proud.

I can't believe her freshman year is over already. I'm looking forward to having her home for the summer and am excited to see what her sophomore year holds in the fall! 

Traveling Through the Teenage Years

Parenting teenagers can feel like winter. It's cold and barren on a lot of days, interspersed by glimpses of spring just around the corner.

Five years ago, I started watching Parenthood on NBC. I love a good drama and the family dynamics in this show sucked me in from the start. But what I really loved about it was the relationships they showed between teenagers and their parents.

Let me tell you, it's lonely being the parent of a teen. With younger kids, you're still free to share with other parents what's going on in your kids' lives. You can laugh about failures and prop each other up because for the most part, the stakes are small. You can joke that you'll never get your child potty trained or sleeping through the night because deep down you know that all kids learn those things eventually.

Elementary school problems are real, but they don't usually carry long term consequences. In middle school, the parental angst kicks up a notch just when the community of support for parents starts to nosedive. By the time your children are well into their teens, you're lucky to have one or two people you can really talk to and even then you have to be guarded to protect your kids' privacy. You don't have the network of other parents you used to have to bounce ideas off and you can start to feel like you're the only one whose kids are turning life as you knew it upside down. 

And it's not just the behavior of your teens that's a struggle. You will say, do, and feel things you never could have imagined when you brought that precious baby home from the hospital 15 or so years ago. Worrying about or arguing with a teenager will make you not even recognize yourself sometimes. And you won't feel comfortable sharing your parenting failures at this stage because the stakes are too high now. You don't know yet if everything really will turn out okay. 

That's what drew me to Parenthood. It felt good to see other teens push their parents away one minute and reach out the next. I could identify with moms worrying about their kids dating. It was a relief to see parents and teenagers argue and say some of the things I was dealing with in my own home. 

Did I agree with every storyline? No. But I felt the pain. I cheered the victories. I cried at the vulnerability and volatility of the the teenage years. And I had hope. I felt less alone. If someone could write those lines, then they must have experienced these things too. And maybe I can wake up and do it all over again just like they must have. 

Sometimes a TV show is more than entertainment. Sometimes it's therapy.

I'll miss you Parenthood. Thanks for being a sweet spot to rest on the journey of raising teenagers. I'm sure I'll be catching you in reruns because I've still got a lot of traveling left to do!

Fathers and Sons

When our children are babies and little people, we can't imagine them ever growing taller, faster, or stronger than us. We can't imagine that there will come a time when they'll best us in a game on their own merit and not because we've stacked the deck in their favor. But all too quickly it seems, they grow and change. 

I'm so excited to be guest posting on the Coach Daddy blog today. Because Eli's blog is a lot about fatherhood and sports, I thought it would be a good place to sort out my feelings on a phenomenon I've observed in our family this year. Please click here to read When Dad Loses to Son. 


Sports have always been a huge part of the relationship between my husband and our two sons. Some dads teach their kids to hunt and fish, some teach them about cars, Steve has taught our boys about sports. It's been fun for me to watch this evolve over the years, especially since I'm not a sporty person and still don't know the rules for many of them. I always enjoy cheering them on though!

For years, I remember Steve taking the kids out to play after dinner. Our oldest son used to grab his mitt and beg him to throw baseballs as high as he could to practice his catching. The two of them have practiced baseball, basketball, and lacrosse in our yard over and over. They've ran races, biked, and swam together.

Through the years, one constant remained. Dad could win! He might not always choose to win, but there was never a doubt that it was possible. He was faster, stronger, and more experienced. Not so anymore. Over the past few years, my seventeen year old has closed the gap and now surpasses his dad in speed, strength, agility, and stamina.

This feels weird. It's weird for both my husband and my son. My son still says Dad is bigger and stronger, even though it's obviously not true. I think it's just as hard for him to accept this strange turn of events as it is for his father.

I've asked my husband how he feels about this a few times and he says he still hasn't really admitted it to himself. I think watching our kids grow up and move past us reminds us of our own mortality and makes us face the fact that we're aging out of the world of youth we've been a part of so long. I think he wonders what happens now that the roles are reversed. Of course, they can still watch sports together, but the playing has changed. Does my son now have to hold back on his dad? Does he have to throw a few games to make his dad feel good?

My husband jokes that he might take up sports our son isn't good at like golf to keep it even a little longer. And at least he'll still be ahead of our younger son for a few more years!



A Birthday Wish for My Son

This week was my oldest son's seventeenth birthday. That seems unfathomable to me. I can remember the day he was born like yesterday.

I want to mark this special occasion on my blog, but what you're allowed to say as a mom about a boy that age in public is very limited. Gushing words declaring my undying love would not go over well, though of course my love for him knows no bounds. Sharing silly stories or personal conversations on here is off limits, though I savor our conversations and store them up like jewels. 

I imagine we're to a stage many a mother and son have passed through before. One where I admire who he is becoming and wait with anticipation to see what he will do next. Physically, he is almost full grown, though when I look at him I still sometimes see my little boy. Intellectually, he's changing and maturing. We can talk politics and current events and I marvel that this has happened in the blink of an eye. He has embraced the freedom driving has given him this year and takes on more responsibilities and commitments outside of our home now. 

And yet, there still exists a boisterous boy a little too willing to take risks. One who isn't done maturing and could easily find himself making decisions he might later regret. This is also something I'm sure many a mother has feared for her son. There is parenting left to do. Important work and I want to finish well.

I view my son with pride and love and nostalgia as I know that all too soon he will leave and make his own way in the world. I hope he will always come home and allow his father and I to share in his life. Allow us to have conversations and laughter with him, allow us the privilege of knowing and loving him as he becomes the man God made him to be. 

I think of all these things as I wish him Happy Birthday!

How To Make Your Middle Schooler Mad

Mom confession time...Sometimes I take delight in teasing and annoying my kids just for the fun of it. Can anyone else relate?

If you're the kind of mom that thinks it's funny to annoy a middle school boy, this list is for you! You can send your kid into meltdown mode doing any of the following...

Dance. It doesn't have to be for long. It can be just a couple seconds of you busting out your moves! 

Sing. A few bars in the car are enough to make them cringe. It's also the best way to get them to change the radio station without argument. You sing a few words and they can't pick a new station fast enough!

Talk above a whisper in public. If anyone, anywhere, including the person you're talking to, can hear you, it's completely embarrassing and will get a rise out of your middle schooler. 

Let a younger sibling wear a costume out in public. The protests will be swift and immediate.

Use their nickname in front of their friends. A dirty look and warning eyes will shoot your way in seconds.

Make him go shopping...this is a sure fire way to make him miserable. Bonus points if it's for fabric or wallpaper. These are still haunting memories from husband's childhood! 

Enjoy yourself too much in any way. Laughing, telling jokes, smiling, getting excited. None of that is allowed. Again the potential for embarrassment by mom is just too high!

And last, but not least, write a blog post about how to annoy your middle schooler. Eyes are guaranteed to roll!

A Letter To My Daughter

Dearest Daughter,

This weekend you asked me quite the question: Are younger or older children more fun? 

It reminded me of when Laura Ingalls in Little House In the Big Woods wonders if Pa likes brown or golden hair best. 

Such a question. Both are wonderful, both fill this mother's heart with love and it's impossible to say. What I can say is what's fun about you, at age 18 in your first semester of college. 

I love that you call me and want to spend time together. 

I like that we have deeper conversations and share meaningful things at this stage. 

It's a bit of a relief that you make more of your own decisions now. I can relax and breathe knowing you've got this!

It's awesome that you're learning new things and teaching us a thing or two. 

It's fun that we share a similar sense of humor and can laugh and joke together. 

It's exhilarating to follow you into a store for younger people and buy a pair of jeans that are hip!

It touches me that you're becoming a friend and mentor to your siblings.

It makes me happy to see you following God. I have no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

I delight in seeing who you're becoming, hearing about how you enjoy your major, and discovering more about who you are. 

You see my girl, the answer to your question isn't a simple one. Children of all ages are fun. But you...I love you just the way you are right now, and the way you were yesterday, and the way you'll be tomorrow. Because I love you, at any age.

The Things You Do For Your Kids

Did you hear the iPhone 6 came out? Not exactly new news, right? Well, you would have thought it was the only thing going on in the world with the amount time and energy we've devoted to upgrading our phones this week.

First let me give you the background...Two teens with phones that have cracked screens and barely functional Wifi from hitting the floor so many times. Two people that rue the day they let me talk them into buying the iPhone 4 with only 8GB instead of the one they wanted with 16 GB. Believe me, I've heard about it every time they couldn't download an app due to a lack of storage. So...six months after our upgrade date, they waited impatiently for the arrival of the iPhone 6. They couldn't wait to throw off their shackles and own the latest and greatest. 

Of course, they optimistically assumed one would be waiting for them in the store on the first day...NOT. When they realized pre-ordering would make them wait a few extra weeks, where do you think they turned to make their elusive dream a reality? Good. Old. Mom. Possibly the least likely person to care about getting the iPhone 6 on the first day. 

Of course, they protested. You don't care because your phone still works. Our phones are held together by packing and duct tape because we thought we were invincible and didn't think a case was necessary. Can we camp out? Can you camp out? Can you run down there at the crack of dawn and wait however long it takes? Wait Mom, if you do all that and there's only one, can I have it?!?

Victory was ours last Friday when I found some at Sam's Club. However, the spoils went to me and my son because my daughter had yet to make her final choice. She didn't decide until a couple days later when there weren't any left. So the waiting, begging, and complaining came my way again.

Today though, there is hopefully a happy ending to this story. I'm a tad frustrated and hungry waiting in a 45 minute line at Apple as we speak, but my fingers are crossed. It's a good time to draft a blog post musing on why moms do the things they do. I guess it's out of love. It's to see our kids' happy faces and hear thanks, mom. It's to get them off our backs so we don't have to hear the whining anymore. :). Whatever the reason, moms are out there waiting in lines, working behind the scenes, smoothing the path to make things the best they can for their kids. 

Also, it's because of these texts...

I guess I can stand waiting here a little longer. No guarantees on the not looking at her new phone though. Ha!!

Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall

I always feel like Labor Day Weekend is that last little bit of summer fun before fall really starts. It's a time to say goodbye to one season and welcome another.

This year, we spent the holiday with my college girl. Yay! Even though she's only been gone a short time, it feels like a long time since we've had the whole family together. We had a picnic lunch by a lake and enjoyed some swimming and hiking. Listening to my other kids pepper her with questions about college and tell her all the news of home was heartwarming for me. It was great to hear what she's been doing and really talk for awhile. Phone calls, FaceTime, and texts are wonderful, but they're no replacement for face to face conversation.

We even stopped for a little visit on campus to see her dorm. This thrilled my twins as they've been full of curiosity about where she stays and how it all works. They don't really understand college life, but they know enough to think it looks like something they'd like to try!

As my kids have grown, they've become more and more fun. I look forward to family conversations and think what they say is so interesting. When my children were little, I felt like I knew everything about them. As they've grown, I've come to appreciate the things they share with me as gifts. They alone can choose to let me be a part of their lives and thoughts and feelings. I don't take that lightly. It's a great privilege. Days like today when we share laughter and time are a treasure that I hope never runs out no matter what changes different seasons may bring.


*This post may be linked to one of the great link-up parties I follow and list on my blog. Check them out!

Storage Ideas for Small Spaces

Well, we did it! College drop off is complete. My daughter's dorm room is decorated and classes started today, so the very first fall semester is officially underway. One of the things I was looking forward to on move in day was decorating the dorm room. We had fun looking for ideas to increase storage in a tiny space. One of best ideas we found was making these little seats out of milk crates. Not only do they provide extra storage and a place for friends to sit, but they also fit neatly under her bed.

I saw the idea for these here. They're pretty self explanatory from the picture. All that was required was milk crates, plywood, quilt batting, material, and a staple gun. After cutting the plywood to fit the the top of the crate, you staple batting and material around it to create a cushioned seat. The tops then lift out for quick access to whatever you choose to store inside.

After I put these together, I used the extra material to decorate one of these plastic drawer units. Using a hot glue gun, I attached material to each of the inside front panels. Now she can put whatever she wants in there and no one can see the contents from the outside. My younger daughters liked both of these projects so much they want me to make the same things for their room!

Just for fun, here was our view of the dorm room when we first walked in.

I couldn't help feeling it had the air of a prison cell. This is her side looking in from the doorway. Two desks face each other and serve to divide the room. 

And here is an after picture. Much better!

I really enjoyed working in a small space trying to make it as functional as possible. On the way home, my husband was bemoaning the fact that we might end up setting up dorm rooms twenty times. I told him I look forward to it. That's totally the fun part! It's the hauling it all back home for the summer and having it take over my dining room again that I dread! :)

Moving In and Letting Go

Today we're traveling to this campus to drop our freshman daughter off at college. Our van is stuffed full of everything we could think of to create a home away from home for this precious girl that has shared our home for the past 18 years. She'll now sleep and eat and actually live here. She'll meet new friends and experience things we'll only hear about, if we're lucky enough to have her share them with us. It's the way it's supposed to be. Everyone tells you your children will leave and make their own way, and many a teenage day you wish it would hurry up and get here...but then it comes and all of a sudden it hurts to breathe.

But there's also excitement because let's face it, there's a great big world waiting out there. I mean walking those paths and getting to learn new things and meet so many people seems pretty enticing. And decorating a dorm room sounds fun! We've been collecting things and planning and I'm anxious to get there and see what we can do to erase the institutional look from her four walls. It's the part after the decorating that I'm dreading. I'm dreading good-bye.

A few months ago, I wrote about the joy and pain I felt leading up to high school graduation in You Might See Me Crying. The only thing I'd change in that post to reflect how I feel about college move in day is the title because today you will see me crying...and laughing and reminiscing. The irony of this process is that we're sad to see her go, but we'd be even sadder to see her stay. She's ready to be independent and we look forward to seeing what and who she becomes these next four years.

This is going to be a process...letting go and learning how to parent in a different way. If you've experienced this with your kids, or remember some helpful things your parents did, I'd love to hear about it in the comments. The first one is always the guinea pig, so I'm sure my daughter would appreciate any advice you have to give, too!

What Does He Hear?

This post has no real point other than to wonder aloud at what my kids hear when my mouth is moving. Believe me they all do this, but today I'm focusing on my 16 year old son. For those of you that have a teenage boy, you'll know what I'm talking about. I'm not sure what is going on in his mind, but he CANNOT remember to put his things away to save his life. Sometimes, I get to thinking that it must be my fault, but then I experience that blessed moment when another mom of a teen quietly admits that her son does this, too.

There are moments in parenting when you can either rant and rage, or you can laugh and blog about it! Today I'm going to show you some pictures and imagine what the thought process might have been behind these decisions.

Exhibit A: dirty t-shirt tossed on the kitchen floor

Hmmm. Mom is nagging me again to get my dirty shirt off the dining room table. What does she expect me to do with it?!? Oh, I'm so hungry. Got to get to the kitchen. What's this shirt doing in my hand? Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to put it away. Could put it in my dresser, but really what purpose do dressers serve? Plus, it's all the way upstairs and I might want to wear it later. Aaah, a corner of the kitchen floor! That's the perfect place! Why don't we just keep all our clothes in a pile by the door and we can grab them on the way out?!? Genius! Mom is going to love this idea!

Exhibit B: school papers laying on the floor

What did Mom say to do again? Oh, yeah. Clean out my backpack. (Sigh of dread). Hmmm, I took all the papers out, but now what should I do with them? She only said to take the papers out of the backpack. She never said to throw them away. I mean I'd have to walk all the way into the next room to put them in the trash, or I could just throw them here on the floor. If it was up to me, I'd totally just throw everything on the floor. I did what she asked and if she wanted the papers in the garbage can, she should have said something. I'm going with my leave it all on the floor idea!

Exhibit C: water bottle perched on top of the van

That was a great bike ride! I'm awesome! So thirsty. Water bottle. Hmmm, I think I may have heard Mom harping on putting my water bottle away when I'm done. Always nagging! Okay fine, but where? Surely she doesn't mean to bring it in the house with me and lay it in the sink. That wouldn't make any sense. Let's see...top of the van! That's genius! Why hasn't mom thought of this? I mean if we just put all our dirty dishes on top of the car, then the rain can wash them and they'll air dry while we drive around town. I should be on Shark Tank!

Yep, I can hear Mom talking, but I have no idea what she's saying...

You Might See Me Crying

It started with preschool. A welcome relief in the 24/7 stage of mothering. Just two hours, two days a week. There was nervousness mixed with a twinge of sadness shaken off by the end of the first day of freedom.

Then came kindergarten. This felt more monumental and I did feel as though there should be some sympathy cards in my mailbox. But the wistful emotions passed as I saw her learn to read and write and interact with the world in new ways.

Elementary graduation felt even bigger. Heading off to middle school seemed scary and it made me feel old. Now she would be more independent and I would know less about her day to day life.

Middle school is a turbulent time and I don't think anyone looks back on those years with nostalgia. I welcomed the new freedoms available to her in high school. Plus no matter how many times I heard it would go fast, four years felt far enough away.

This month she graduates. The four years are over. She's grown up and getting ready for college. And whew...out of nowhere last night, the emotions really started to hit me.

I was addressing graduation announcements and they were my undoing. Tears started to come. A sense of the overwhelming passage of time flooded my body. I'm happy for her and know this is a natural step, but it does not make it any easier.

This is one of those times in life that is both happy and piercing.

I've watched friends go through this over the past few years. I've observed, murmured my "understanding", and walked away thankful I wasn't there yet. I could see they were hurting even while they cheered their child on to the next step.

Now it's my turn to feel pain mixed in with the joy and pride. This is the baby that completely changed my world and captured my heart. The daughter I've seen grow and develop into an adult. Now she doesn't need me the way she once did and I wonder what my role will be in her life and how our relationship will change.

Graduation. It doesn't matter how exciting their future plans or how much you know they're ready for the next step. The heart doesn't care how many arguments you've had, or how many times you've run into teenage attitude. When it comes down to it, there is a rush of sadness.

I'm trying to remember that all of our past transitions have moved into stages that were even better than the one we left. I wouldn't really wish them not to have happened. It's just hard when I haven't experienced it. I don't know if I'll come out okay on the other side yet.

So if you see me crying as I drive or wiping tears away in Target, just know that it's graduation month and my heart is too full to hold them in.

Texting Trumps Talking

This week I've been appreciating texting and the way it has helped my relationship with my teenage daughter. In fact, I'm not sure we could have navigated the middle and high school years without it! There are so many things to say and so many of them are better received in written form.

Mornings can be hard for us. Stress over getting up and out the door early doesn't lend itself to pleasant conversations. It's so nice when I see this after a less than ideal interaction before school.

Texting also allows us to discuss things that could easily escalate into a full blown fight if we were face to face. I feel like I can say no to requests easier over a text because there's an opportunity to write out an explanation and a chance to consider each other's words before responding. Curfews, for example...

Much easier to negotiate like this than with whining, begging, and shouting...

 



Want to make a request that you know is not going to be well received? Try this...

Need to find out the dirt on a sibling? Maybe that new driver needs a little more instruction...

Last minute requests for school never get any easier...

Yes, texting can sometimes get a bad rap, but it certainly has provided a valuable tool for communication in the teenage years. It might seem impersonal, but there's a lot of our "voices" in there. I can "hear" her...

And can't every relationship benefit from another way to be heard?

 

Eighteen Candles

Today my oldest child turns 18.  This is a day that I've both dreaded and anticipated since the day we brought her home.  Obviously, I had an incredible amount of mommy hormones flowing through me, but I still remember lying with her on the bed listening to lullabies and tears starting to flow.  Three days already gone!  How could time already be moving so fast?  I can remember thinking, we only have 18 years with her.  That's not nearly enough time and how will I ever let go.

The years have indeed passed and I've continued to marvel at each stage.  What a gift God has given me to raise my daughter and see her move from baby, to girl, to now young woman.  There have been many days where mothering hasn't felt so magical, but my overall feeling when I look back is always one of awe and gratitude, full of an incredible love for her.

This is a big year for her, and for us.  She'll graduate from high school and begin the college adventure.  She will not live in our house full-time anymore and she'll have more parts of her life that are separate from us.  Now that the time is approaching, I view it with both excitement and trepidation.  I'm excited to see how her future will evolve and all that she'll become, while also wanting to hold onto the daughter I know today, right this minute.

Eighteen years.  It's a milestone for both the child and the parents.  It's a chance to reflect on all that goes into the parenting journey, all the hard work, sleepless nights, sacrifices, and sheer determination. It's also a chance to celebrate all the wonderful memories and moments that make life worthwhile, all the ways that having a child enriches your life and completes you in ways you never could have imagined.

Happy Birthday, my sweet girl!  You are a treasure and a blessing in our lives!
 

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

I have a confession to make. I hide things from my kids. You do it too, right? It's terrible, but so necessary. If I don't, I won't have yummy treats, beauty products, or special clothes.

Currently, I'm hiding ice cream, chocolate, cookies and raspberries, as well as chapstick, make up wipes, make up remover, facewash, and various items of clothing, including socks and a sweater. Unless I hide these things, they disappear, taken into the great unknown by my kids. If I ever do see my missing things again, they're usually used up and worn out, not at all like they were before.

The problem with hiding things is that I forget where I put them. Then I can't find them either!

Eye make up remover. I can make a bottle last several weeks, maybe even a few months. My teenage daughter, on the other hand, can go through one in a couple weeks. Then she takes mine. I don't like having my eyes all wet, with mascara running down my face, while I run around trying to find where she's put my stuff. And when I do finally find it, it's down to almost nothing. 

Scented lotion. I have a bottle by my bed. This is a risky move. The last time I had a bottle there I got a sweet request to borrow some. Being the generous mother I am, I agreed. I meant, you can use it this one time. I failed to take into account that allowing a kid borrow something once now means they own it. Pretty soon I found that bottle with no more than a teaspoonful left in it. 

Sometimes I get overly confident. This happened recently with my make up wipes. I was tired of hiding them and thought maybe they'd be okay left out a couple times. Maybe I was being paranoid they would disappear. Bad move. That was the last I saw of them. They are nowhere to be found.  Vanished into thin air because no one is admitting to taking them...

Chapstick. I've offered to buy every kid their own. Do you know how long they can keep track of their own chapstick? About two seconds. So my chapstick becomes a breeding ground for every cold and flu virus known to man! It's gotten so bad that I now have to keep two chapsticks in my purse. One for the community and one (hidden, of course) for me.

Food. Some of you might be wondering why I have to hide food. Am I denying my children nourishment? Not at all, they get plenty! It's just a reality that if something good is in sight, they will eat it. They won't think about saving any for anyone else. And let's face it, most of the time, kids really don't even appreciate mommy treats. I mean they're just as happy with Hershey as Godiva. My boys inhale their food without tasting it. They're not stopping to savor anything. 

My brother in law posted a picture on Facebook of my sister's closet this week. In between the sweaters on the top shelf was a big bag of chocolate. He wrote that he's sure she just has it there for safe keeping. Ah, right...

What are you hiding from little eyes and hands today?

Missing the Messes

The other day I saw one of those signs on Facebook that urges moms to appreciate the little handprints and messes because someday we'll miss them. I totally get the point of such sentiments, but on their surface they strike me as funny. It made me think of this craft that my oldest brought home from kindergarten, Christmas 2001.


Oh, the mommy guilt that welled up in me when I saw this poem.  Guilt that I didn't appreciate the messes. What was wrong with me??  Since that time I've gotten several more of those art projects with that poem and each time I feel the GUILT.  Why can't I just say, "Kids I don't care about you destroying every little thing you come in contact with because it's the memories, the wonderful memories that matter!"  But I really enjoy some structure, a clean bathroom, a bed that's made, clothing put away in drawers, furniture not covered in food. 

As I looked at that Facebook sign, I remembered this view that I see on an almost daily basis as I walk down my hallway.  Now if this picture doesn't inspire mothers everywhere to stop and appreciate the preciousness of their teenage daughters, I don't know what will...

Yes indeed, every time I pass it, I stop to cherish this mess and the wonderful child who created it.  Not.  It's more like I think, what am I doing wrong that after almost 18 years she still can't make her bed and pick up her clothes?!?  Can we not even reach the point that she could shut a closet door?

Or how about these scenes?  Cherishing the mess is the farthest thing from my mind as I risk a broken leg on the footwear obstacle course exiting the garage.

A surge of love does not spring forth when I turn and see the kitchen after everyone has left for school.

Yes, I'll certainly miss the children that made these messes, but I don't think I'll miss the socks strewn all over the couch, the mountains of paper on the countertops and tables, and the things that shall remain unnamed in the bathroom.  And if I do, I'll just pull out these pictures for a fresh dose of reality!

So come on all of you guilty feeling mothers, what messes are you really not going to miss?

Teen Driver

My son has had his permit for almost a year now and I've wanted to capture this moment in time for awhile.  He's the second one I've taught to drive, so he's benefited from my experience and much lower level of anxiety than I had with his older sister.  Now I know it is possible to teach a child to drive and they really can get a license and not harm themselves or anyone else, knock on wood!

This time I've been able to sit back and enjoy the experience more.  Shortly after he got his permit, I gained a new friend in the van.  Going out for a quick milk run, he's in the driver's seat.  Going to pick up a younger sibling, he volunteers to come along.  Going to the doctor and he'll have to sit bored in the waiting room, no problem, he's the driver!  Before having a permit, none of these errands would have interested him in the slightest.

I've gotten to know his sense of humor more, heard more stories about school and sports, and generally feel like I know him better.  It's been a wonderful window into his world and I'm going to miss it.  Already, he's planning for his soon-to-be license.  Where he'll go, what he'll do...Understandably, none of the plans involve his mom tagging along.  In fact, an alarming number of his plans seem to involve driving a vehicle at its maximum speed.  I've lost track of the number of times he's begged for a motorcycle or asked questions like, "What's the fastest speed you've ever gone, have you ever gone 100 mph?"  Um, for the record, absolutely not, and neither should you!

Of course, I've taught driving lessons this year, trying to instill every tip I can, lest I leave him unprepared.  Now there are fewer white knuckle moments and he's asked me to quit telling him to "slow down and be careful" more and more lately.  I can tell he's losing patience with the training process and wants to get on with driving independence. But I've also had the chance to teach about life, to teach about being a young man and entering a new stage of responsibility and privilege.  I've had the chance to make a friend, and I hope he remembers those lessons too, as he drives off into the future.