The Great Minimizers

Have you ever noticed that kids are great minimizers? They seem to think that nothing they want you to do takes any time, money or effort. Everything they want takes just a few minutes, a couple dollars, and is so easy. They have a way of making rock solid parenting reasoning and requests sound ridiculous.

My boys say things like...

Why can't you run to the car?!? Just because you don't want to get two raindrops on you?!?

Shutting off the TV, Mom? It's really important to save that 5 cents.

Can we stop at Sonic? Why not? It will take two seconds!

I don't want to go to New York City. There's nothing to do there.

Every job is easy, and all skills are attainable for them.

I could be a surgeon. What's so hard about cutting people open?

Dad takes out people to dinner. He eats dinner for a living. 

If I was the coach, we'd win every game!

You name it, they'll claim they can do it better, cheaper, and faster than any experts. No training or education needed.

Sometimes, minimizing comes in handy. Like for doing projects. I think maybe my girls might get a little of their attitude toward projects from me...Anyone else ever attack home improvement with the idea that it will be fast, cheap, and easy?!?

With their minimizing talent, my girls can create things out of nothing. Dad won't build a swing? No problem. Just grab a tree branch, cobble together some bungee cords and jump ropes, and voila!

I have no idea how that thing didn't come crashing down!

Mom and Dad won't buy a hammock? No problem. Just take the net from the back of van, hook who knows what else to it, and trust your entire body weight to this contraption. A thin blanket will for sure break your fall in the unlikely event something you create doesn't work!

On the one hand minimizing is annoying and on the other inspiring. If only we could keep such confidence in our abilities, intelligence, looks, and all around general awesomeness into our adult years. Think of the things we could accomplish, or at least attempt to accomplish. All in just a couple minutes for a few dollars and very little effort!

Fall Break Highlights

We've been off from school and our usual routines due to fall break the past few days. We didn't leave town, but Steve's been home and we've enjoyed just doing whatever pops up. Here are a few highlights from our weekend...

1. We took the boys to a hockey game Thursday night. The last time I went to a Predators game, this guy was a baby.

It's always fun to go out with my boys. There's an ease about it that's refreshing. Zero drama and no guilt. I like hearing their sense of humor and seeing life through their eyes. When I asked my husband how long we should plan for eating before the game, he said half an hour tops. That's in, out, ordering, eating, and everything. Now that's some focus on food! 

2. It's been raining, so I had the perfect excuse to be lazy and get a lot of reading done this weekend. I started the Call the Midwife series by Jennifer Worth and finished the first two books. They're really good. I've heard the TV series on Netflix is great, too, so I'm looking forward to watching that after I finish the third book. 

3. Halloween costume shopping. I mentioned in this post that my mother in law usually does Halloween costumes. This year though we decided to give her a well deserved break and hit up Party City. Here's one of the things we bought.

My oldest daughter told me I would have never let her wear that mask and she's probably right. I guess that's an advantage of being the baby. By the time you're the youngest of five, wanting to dress in a scary mask for one night doesn't seem like a big deal to mom anymore! :)

I'll leave you with this scene. Several people mentioned that my post from last Thursday felt sad. Funny how after I wrote all that, my girls asked to bring over Nanny's Calico Critters and have played with them all weekend. I guess lazy, rainy weekends lend themselves to playing and using your imagination. I was glad to see it!

Deciding What to Keep and What to Let Go

I usually have no problem parting with things we don't need anymore. In fact, I throw away/donate/get rid of so many things that my kids don't believe me when I say I don't know where their treasures went. I'm the first person they suspect when something goes missing. But today I was cleaning the bathroom and came across these in the far recesses of a cabinet.

The end of an era. Our last bathtub toys. They probably haven't seen water in at least a couple years and I can't imagine my girls will be asking for them again, but I hesitated to just toss them. Long gone are the days of starting the tub, throwing a couple kids in it, and dumping the toys in the water to provide a little entertainment. The squeals of delight, the bubbles, and the slippery smooth bodies cuddled in a towel have all disappeared. Only the toys remain.

Then I thought about all this in the playroom...

For some reason, the boys outgrew their toys more quickly and they all disappeared gradually. Getting rid of these will require effort. I don't want to let go of the dollhouses, Polly Pockets and Barbies. Many of these things belonged to my oldest and were passed down to the twins. They've been moved from house to house and entertained children over and over. We've gotten rid of a lot of toys over the years, but these have always stayed in the "keep" pile.

My youngest are in their last year of elementary school. There won't be many more scenes like this one greeting me in the hallway.

They don't need wheelchairs and strollers for their stuffed animals anymore.

This will be the first Christmas I don't think I'll have any toys to buy. It's freeing and it's sad. I always had fun looking at their lists, choosing their special presents, and picturing their happiness at finding them under the tree.

I'm going to say goodbye to the bathtub toys, but hold off on cleaning out the playroom a little longer...until I'm sure they won't be entering that particular world of imagination anymore.

And someday, I hope I have the joy of picking out more toys and seeing the faces of my grandchildren light up like this when they open them!

So excited to open their Dora Dollhouse while wearing their new Dora pajamas!

Romance After Twenty Years

I love a good romance novel. Not the Harlequin bodice ripping variety, but one with an actual story mixed in! The problem is that when I read them, I start expecting my life to be like that. I want the grand gestures, the pretty words, and the thrill of the chase. And somehow being married for almost 21 years with five kids just doesn't cut it.

Whoa now? What are you saying, Marie? 

I'm saying that some days you have to look long and hard to find romance in such situations. But this weekend, I was reflecting on and appreciating some of my husband's romantic gestures.

Going to the grocery store for me. Seriously they never include this kind of thing in romance novels, but it sweeps me off my feet.

Playing outside with the kids. When I see him out there throwing the lacrosse ball around or playing basketball, my heart skips a beat. 

Helping me with the dirty work. Who needs flowers and candy? If you'll figure out how to fill out college financial aid forms and take the garbage out in the rain, you're my knight in shining armor. 

I love you and You look nice. I'm blushing, flattered, and so thankful you still say it. 

Movie night. Cuddling on the couch watching a movie with no kids in sight? You're a Casanova!

Suggesting we go out to eat, or even better, order in. Don't have to cook? I'm feeling more in love by the minute.

Go shopping. Spending time with me doing things you'd rather not do...smooth.

Helping with math homework. You've still got it!

Driving a minivan. Don't be fooled. Anyone can look good in a little red sports car. It takes a real man to pull this one off!

Being my best friend. Loyal, trustworthy, faithful, loving, always choosing to see the best in me. That's love. 

Raising a family, growing older, taking care of a home, they all tend to suck the life out of romantic feelings. I mean there's a reason they don't show clearing the plates, figuring out why the car engine light is on again, and cleaning up the bathroom in the movies. But it's the showing up, sticking around through the arguments, listening, helping, laughing, supporting, being there day in and day out that's really romantic!

And fancy date nights and trips alone together don't hurt any either! :)

How Much is Too Much and Who Decides?

Have you seen this article, Parenting as a Gen Xer: We're the first generation of parents in the age of iEverything? It's just too good not to share. Alison Slater Tate writes that we are the last generation that had a technology free childhood and we're the first generation to raise children that have never known anything other than a world with Google at their fingertips and screens galore. So true! No wonder I struggle to find balance and parenting direction in this area.

It seems everywhere I look, I'm pressured to limit screen time, cautioned to keep my kids from their phones, or told I'm potentially failing as a parent if I use the Internet too much in front of them. 

On the other hand, I'm told my kids need to stay up to date on technology and that I need to provide experience on computers. Even our local elementary school includes a lot of technology in the classroom. It's a natural part of the environment they're growing up in.

My youngest FaceTiming before school.

Tate's article also points out that we're the generation that has the task of bridging the technology gap between our baby boomer parents and our kids. Many grandparents question why their grandchildren are often connected to a screen. Why are they on it so much? Are they addicted? Many grandchildren can't understand how their grandparents live without wifi and smart phones. How can they stand it? Aren't they bored? Tate admits that...

When it comes to parenting, I find this middle place extremely uncomfortable, because I know what childhood and adolescence were like before the Internet, and my parenting models all came from that era.

I agree with Tate. I can understand the perspectives of both my parents and my children when it comes to technology. Sometimes I want to get rid of all of it and sometimes I find myself caught up in the hype of the new iphone! Twitter, Instagram and FaceTime may always feel a little stilted to me, but they're as natural as breathing for my kids.

My children are growing up communicating differently than I did and with much more access to information and the world around them. Unless I move them to a deserted island, I'll continue to have to walk the the fine line, or more realistically the wavy line, trying to figure out how much is too much. In the end, my goal is to teach my kids to use the internet and social media responsibly. 

It was comforting to me to read Tate's concluding words...

The truth is, my generation of parents are pioneers here, like it or not. We’re the last of the Mohicans. We can try as hard as we want to push back and to carve space into our children’s lives for treehouses and puzzles and Waldorf-style dolls, but in the end, our children will grow up with the whole world at their fingertips, courtesy of a touch screen, and they will have to learn how to find the balance between their cyber and real worlds. It is scary. I don’t think I even believe there is a “right way” to parent with technology. But acknowledging that what we are doing is unprecedented – that no study yet knows exactly what this iChildhood will look like when our children are full grown people – feels like an exhale of sorts.

How about you? Have you struggled finding a balance with your kids and technology? Do you feel torn in different directions like I do?

A Story of Love, Loss, and Life

This week I read a powerful newly released book I haven't been able to get out of my mind. It's called Rare Bird by Anna Whitson-Donaldson. In September 2011, Anna's 12 year old son, Jack, drowned in a neighborhood creek flooded by a freak storm in the suburban Washington, DC area. Before this happened, Anna had a blog, An Inch Of Gray, that focused on painting furniture and the occasional posts about family life. After the accident, she poured her emotions out and walked through her grief with blog readers.

In the introduction to her book, Anna writes,

I thought the first book I'd write would be about painting furniture. It would have suggestions, techniques, and even inspirational Bible verses sprinkled throughout it...But this is the book I wrote. I wish I had nothing to say on the matter of loss, but I do. Because one ordinary day I encouraged my two kids to go out and play in the rain and only one child came home.

Anna's writing is very honest, raw and emotional. But it's not a story without hope. As a Christian, Anna knows her son is in heaven. She knows she'll see him again someday. Rare Bird addresses a question in the back of every mother's mind...how would I go on if I lost a child? She writes,

My new story was a tragedy so frightening that, as parents, we feel we risk something even by thinking about it, because it whispers into our hearts a truth we don't want to hear. That we can't keep our children safe. That we don't know what the future holds. We want to cover our ears, close our eyes, and turn away from the horror of that truth.

Anna asks the hard questions and doesn't hold back in describing her journey from wanting to die every day after the accident to embracing life again. She brings her son to life with her words. She writes,

...this isn't a scary book. It's a book about a loving relationship between a mother and her boy. It's about being faced with impossible circumstances and wanting to accept nothing less than the chance to turn back the clock. It's about anger and profound sadness, but also about a flicker of hope that comes from the realization that in times of heartbreak, God is closer than our own skin. It's about being real and showing up in the pain.

We all have or will face circumstances that bring us to our knees. Rare Bird is a book that holds out hope in the midst of pain. It's a beautiful testimony to the power of love, community, faith, and ultimately trust in God.

The Things You Do For Your Kids

Did you hear the iPhone 6 came out? Not exactly new news, right? Well, you would have thought it was the only thing going on in the world with the amount time and energy we've devoted to upgrading our phones this week.

First let me give you the background...Two teens with phones that have cracked screens and barely functional Wifi from hitting the floor so many times. Two people that rue the day they let me talk them into buying the iPhone 4 with only 8GB instead of the one they wanted with 16 GB. Believe me, I've heard about it every time they couldn't download an app due to a lack of storage. So...six months after our upgrade date, they waited impatiently for the arrival of the iPhone 6. They couldn't wait to throw off their shackles and own the latest and greatest. 

Of course, they optimistically assumed one would be waiting for them in the store on the first day...NOT. When they realized pre-ordering would make them wait a few extra weeks, where do you think they turned to make their elusive dream a reality? Good. Old. Mom. Possibly the least likely person to care about getting the iPhone 6 on the first day. 

Of course, they protested. You don't care because your phone still works. Our phones are held together by packing and duct tape because we thought we were invincible and didn't think a case was necessary. Can we camp out? Can you camp out? Can you run down there at the crack of dawn and wait however long it takes? Wait Mom, if you do all that and there's only one, can I have it?!?

Victory was ours last Friday when I found some at Sam's Club. However, the spoils went to me and my son because my daughter had yet to make her final choice. She didn't decide until a couple days later when there weren't any left. So the waiting, begging, and complaining came my way again.

Today though, there is hopefully a happy ending to this story. I'm a tad frustrated and hungry waiting in a 45 minute line at Apple as we speak, but my fingers are crossed. It's a good time to draft a blog post musing on why moms do the things they do. I guess it's out of love. It's to see our kids' happy faces and hear thanks, mom. It's to get them off our backs so we don't have to hear the whining anymore. :). Whatever the reason, moms are out there waiting in lines, working behind the scenes, smoothing the path to make things the best they can for their kids. 

Also, it's because of these texts...

I guess I can stand waiting here a little longer. No guarantees on the not looking at her new phone though. Ha!!