Valentine's Day Fantasies

When I was in high school, you could purchase carnations for a dollar and have them delivered with a message to anyone in school. There were white and pink, but of course the most coveted ones were red. In my Valentine's Day fantasies, I wished a secret admirer would send me a dozen red carnations. I felt like if I went to school and those were waiting for me, I'd really be loved! Flowers and gifts meant love to me back then.

Now love is spelled T-I-M-E. My husband asked what I wanted for Valentine's Day this year and my mind was blank. There's nothing he can buy in the store that will mean more than time. It's the thing that is most rare right now, so it's become the most valuable. 

When you're younger, you have lots of time and little money. Buying something for someone you love is a sacrifice.  

When you're older, you have money, but little time. Everyone and everything competes for your attention, so setting aside time becomes a greater sacrifice.

I think my husband would actually like it better if I could give him a list of things to buy. That's how hard it is to make time happen these days!

But just in case the stars align, here's a list of ten things I'd love for Valentine's Day:

Walking or bike riding around our favorite neighborhoods. 

Shopping in places other than Sam's Club together. 

Getting away anywhere alone together. 

Going to a romantic movie.

Dining in front of a fireplace.

Going to a quiet coffee shop. 

Taking a scenic drive. 

Watching a movie while cuddling under the electric blanket

Exploring a little town together. 

Getting take-out and spending an evening alone in our house. 

As you can see, shared experiences and uninterrupted conversation are way better than flowers in my book. Feel free to bring a little dark chocolate though! 

How about you? Has your Valentine's Day list changed over the years? 

Romance After Twenty Years

I love a good romance novel. Not the Harlequin bodice ripping variety, but one with an actual story mixed in! The problem is that when I read them, I start expecting my life to be like that. I want the grand gestures, the pretty words, and the thrill of the chase. And somehow being married for almost 21 years with five kids just doesn't cut it.

Whoa now? What are you saying, Marie? 

I'm saying that some days you have to look long and hard to find romance in such situations. But this weekend, I was reflecting on and appreciating some of my husband's romantic gestures.

Going to the grocery store for me. Seriously they never include this kind of thing in romance novels, but it sweeps me off my feet.

Playing outside with the kids. When I see him out there throwing the lacrosse ball around or playing basketball, my heart skips a beat. 

Helping me with the dirty work. Who needs flowers and candy? If you'll figure out how to fill out college financial aid forms and take the garbage out in the rain, you're my knight in shining armor. 

I love you and You look nice. I'm blushing, flattered, and so thankful you still say it. 

Movie night. Cuddling on the couch watching a movie with no kids in sight? You're a Casanova!

Suggesting we go out to eat, or even better, order in. Don't have to cook? I'm feeling more in love by the minute.

Go shopping. Spending time with me doing things you'd rather not do...smooth.

Helping with math homework. You've still got it!

Driving a minivan. Don't be fooled. Anyone can look good in a little red sports car. It takes a real man to pull this one off!

Being my best friend. Loyal, trustworthy, faithful, loving, always choosing to see the best in me. That's love. 

Raising a family, growing older, taking care of a home, they all tend to suck the life out of romantic feelings. I mean there's a reason they don't show clearing the plates, figuring out why the car engine light is on again, and cleaning up the bathroom in the movies. But it's the showing up, sticking around through the arguments, listening, helping, laughing, supporting, being there day in and day out that's really romantic!

And fancy date nights and trips alone together don't hurt any either! :)

Traveling Through New England (Part 2)

When we last left off, I was describing the first few days of the trip my husband and I took last week while our youngest three were at summer camp. The camp is located in Western New York, so after dropping them off, we drove several hours to Portland, Maine, stopping at some beautiful places along the way. You can get all the details of the first part of our trip here.

After a couple days in Portland, we drove to Boston. We were there as a family a few years ago and did the Freedom Trail and historical sights. This time we had fun exploring a different section of the city. Highlights included a fantastic seafood dinner on a restaurant terrace and a stroll through Boston's Public Gardens.

We also enjoyed walking down Commonwealth Avenue to look at the beautiful homes.

It was a perfect evening and I bought this painting from a street vendor to remember it by. He did a much better job representing the homes on Commonwealth Avenue than any photograph I could have taken!

The next morning, it was off to Martha's Vineyard. We rode the ferry over and enjoyed a wonderful afternoon of bike riding around the island. These two pictures sum it up in my mind. Adorable gingerbread cottages with hanging baskets and picturesque white clapboard houses with beautiful hydrangeas and white picket fences. They both just sing out summer living!

Friday was our last kid-free day, so we drove to Newport, Rhode Island to see the historical mansions. They are truly a sight to behold. We did the Cliff Walk behind them bordering the Atlantic Ocean, too.

Such a marvelous place. I would have liked to have had at least one more day there to do some tours, but camp pick up was bright and early the next morning and we still had a six hour drive to get back to that area Friday night.

I have to say we thoroughly enjoyed our week together. It was a real treat to have my husband off work and "home" for an extended period of time. He travels a lot, so to have uninterrupted time together was wonderful!

Of course, we were glad to pick up these three happy campers Saturday morning.

My son was so relieved to land back in Nashville that he kissed the ground! It really stretched him to go all week with no sports coverage and no electronics. The girls, on the other hand, would have happily stayed longer. I guess that bodes well for another get away for us next year! 

Traveling Through New England (Part 1)

A few weeks ago, I wrote here about my husband and I getting away without our kids for a week this summer. Well, the week is here and we're having a blast! We dropped our three youngest off for sleep away camp in Western New York Sunday night and have been on our own since. There are so many beautiful sights in this part of the country and I thought I'd share some of what we've seen so far.

I love history, so New England is like Candyland for me. There is so much to see everywhere I look and so much of it has beautiful character and a story behind it.

So far, we've visited Portsmouth, New Hampshire...

Love this old building and water view.

Kennebunkport, Maine...

Beautiful beaches in Kennebunkport. So much different than what I've seen in the South.

And Portland, Maine...

Getting ready for dinner on the town!

Riding bikes around Peaks Island, Maine, just a short ferry ride over from Portland.

Gorgeous views on Peaks Island.

Before dinner at The Lobster Shack overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.

Maine is beautiful!

I hope you've enjoyed this little taste of some of the sights in New England. I've seen so many gorgeous old homes too, but there's no way for me to take a picture that will do them justice. The character is evident in the neighborhoods and gardens and elaborate detail to the outside of the homes. I'm sure my husband is tired of me exclaiming at all the neat ones I see, but I can't help it! He'll just have to bear it for a few more days!

Until next time, I leave you with one I took for my mom who loves Queen Anne's lace...

Along coast at Cape Elizabeth, Maine.

*To read about the second half of our trip, click here.

Getting Away Without Kids

Aaah...vacation. Sit in the sun and relax. Go sightseeing at a leisurely pace. Enjoy wonderful meals out. Maybe not if you're taking the kids. I've written about the joys of family vacation here, but this post is about taking a trip alone, just me and my husband.

Last summer, it worked out that every one of our kids was at a summer camp the same week. We decided to not let this glorious circumstance pass unnoticed and took a vacation to celebrate our 20th anniversary. Here we are in Montreal, footloose and fancy free!

We're going to get away again in a few weeks! We'll already be in the Northeast dropping three children off at camp, so we're going to travel on to Boston and then Portland, Maine. Honestly, it wouldn't matter where we were going because everything is a treat when you get to spend time as a couple.

Four Benefits to Vacationing Alone

Time to Reconnect: I love our family life and I love our kids, but someday it will be just me and Steve again. I want to be able to look forward to that day with happy anticipation. Getting away from home and family responsibilities allows us to see each other at our best again. It gives us the time to focus on and rediscover that person living in the same house we do!

Choose the Destination: A lot of the places that interest me do not interest my kids. When they go on vacation, they want the beach or an amusement park. They're looking for entertainment, not relaxation. When we're by ourselves, we set the agenda without guilt and can do things the kids would consider completely boring.

My kids would not be awed by this pretty city view!

Feel Younger: Remove me from parenting responsibilities and I feel ten years younger! It's an amazing feeling to only have to think about yourself for a little while. All of sudden, I'm not a suburban mother of five...I'm young and hip!

Eat What You Want As Long As You Want: Mealtimes become a special event. There are no chicken fingers, french fries, or hotdogs on the menu. If we want appetizers and desserts, no problem! We can linger at the table and finish whole conversations uninterrupted.

I fell in love with this fruit and cheese appetizer in Montreal.

The first time we got away by ourselves after we had kids was when my oldest was a year old. It was hard to leave her even though it was just for one night. In fact, the only reason we went was because of positive peer pressure! Friends that were further along in the parenting process planned it and insisted it would be good for us. You know what? They were right! Since then we've tried to take little weekend trips away once every year or two. Last summer was the first time we planned a whole week!

Always, without fail, I dread any trip we take alone right up until we leave. It's hard to plan childcare and I worry about what might happen when I'm gone. There are so many little things that fill my mind and I hate saying goodbye to my children. Truth be told, I'm kind of a mess! But also always, without fail, I start to relax when we're on our way and end up having a great time!

Your turn. Have you gotten away without the kids? Was it wonderful? Did you need some friendly peer pressure to take the plunge, too?

Remembering the Ordinary

What did you do this weekend? I'm at the point where that question cannot be answered in just a phrase. There isn't one event to describe or a couple specific things we did. It seems like all our weekends are a blur of activity, but I can't pinpoint what filled them. Are you at that stage, too? Sometimes it's good to record the ordinary. Aren't they the times that seem sweetest in our mind? Here are three ordinary, but someday they'll seem extraordinary, weekend happenings from my normal everyday life.

Friday night was date night. Our church offers Parent's Night Out a couple nights a year so the youth can raise money for events. It's only $20 a family for a few hours of babysitting with pizza and inflatables included! Of course, I did not want to miss out on this awesome opportunity and we planned to go out. Unfortunately, my husband's flight was delayed and he got back after the kids had been dropped off. We ended up with an evening at home eating tuna fish sandwiches, taking a walk, and watching TV. Is it bad if I say I didn't care and I was just as happy to stay home as go out? Is that old and boring, or your secret fantasy, too?

Spring blooms make every walk beautiful!

After our rip-roaring Friday night, we were up early on Saturday for the kids' sports rotation. I love that my kids are busy, but I wonder if a lazy Saturday at home will be in our cards before the year 2022? Our girls started volleyball this season and we went to watch. I'm not sure if we'll see many volleys this year, but many of the girls were successful in serving which generated huge cheers from the crowd.

Pre-Olympics?

On Sunday, I took my oldest for her senior pictures. The photographer treated us like royalty and was so complimentary of my daughter that I'm surprised we could fit our heads back in the van! Seriously though, it was fun and refreshing to view her through the eyes and camera of someone else. It's weird, but I can't look at my own children and only see who they are today. It's hard to view them in the moment as I would a friend or an acquaintance. In my mind's eye, I saw snapshots of my daughter from birth to the present, all as I looked at her fully grown standing before me posing and laughing for senior pictures. Wow, where did the time go and can I make it stand still while my heart catches up?!?

Spring break 2014

Your turn. Are you filing away memories of everyday happenings? What ordinary things will you later remember as extraordinary in your life?

Twenty Years Together

This weekend my husband and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary by going back to the town where we bought our first house and had our first child.  It was amazing to be transported back in time like that.  When we sold that house and moved to another state, our oldest child was just 15 months old and we had been married for three years.  We were YOUNG!  So young, too young to even know that we knew next to nothing about life.  This weekend, as we walked the same streets where we'd pushed our first child in a stroller, I remembered the old feelings, the conversations, the dreams, the fears, the plans, all of it felt so close, so close that I could have just walked right back into that life and picked up right where I was at that time.  Things I hadn't thought of in years came flowing back into my mind and I was overcome by waves of emotion and nostalgia.

It was easy to play, "What if?", wondering how our lives would be different today if we had made different decisions.  At this point, I can see how easily our lives could have followed many different paths and even feel a sense of regret that we didn't get to see how some of those other phantom lives would have turned out too.  There were so many things I would say to my younger self. People may have even said some of them to me at the time, but I wasn't paying attention.  Mostly, I would have said to relax and savor these moments more, that the clichés are true, time really does fly and some day you'll miss this.  

We were also struck by how much our world has changed since that time.  No computers, no cell phones, no easy access to the happenings of distant family and friends.  We had only one car, no cable, and little money. Now the little baby in that house is a senior in high school.  The young parents have owned four more houses since then and have moved to two different states.  They have five children and are busy with school, sports, and church activities.  Four cars sit in the driveway.  Media from cell phones, computers, and cable invade their lives at all hours of the day.  The husband travels a lot and the wife juggles the kids and home.

But deep down, those young twenty-somethings are still the same people they were all those years ago.  They still love each other and want to experience their lives together. Twenty years sounds like a long time to be married.  We don't feel it though.  We don't feel as wise as we thought we would. We're still learning how to love, to sacrifice, to support, to share.  There have been hard times and times when we may have wished to quit, but those times are far outweighed by all the blessings, all the laughter, and all the experiences we've shared.  I hope we're privileged to enjoy many more walks down memory lane together.  May we look back on where we are right now in another 20 years with as much love and gratitude as we did this weekend.