Can-Do Spirit

We had a family gathering last night to celebrate my youngest son's birthday. The best thing about getting everyone together is the reminiscing that goes on. I love it when my kids get to hear their grandparents and aunts and uncles tell stories from the past.

Looking at my parents now, you'd never know their struggles. You wouldn't know how hard they worked to support four kids all born within five years while in their early 20's. I bet my dad couldn't envision himself comfortably retired during those days of literally having a few dollars in his wallet until payday.

Obviously picture quality has improved over the years!

There are some stories from my childhood that have shaped me. I don't remember every detail, but certain things stick out in my mind. 

When I was five, my dad had been out of work for a few months and couldn't find anything. So we moved. We moved from a little town in Western New York to California. They packed us all up and drove an old car six days across the country. I remember very little about that trip except the memories sparked by a few touristy pictures they took along the way. That and squishing hard against the window to avoid my dad's arm reaching into the backseat when my brothers and I had been fighting too long. Two years later, my dad decided he didn't like living in California and we all moved back!

My brother and I enjoying the sights on our cross country trip!

We were once on a trip in Vermont when our car broke down. I remember it being very cold and we stayed in a motel for almost a week. Again, my parents had very little money and the six of us walked two miles to check on the status of our old station wagon. I remember we had just a tiny bit of toothpaste and my mom squeezing it out long past time the point where I would toss the tube unthinkingly in the trash today. The motel owners gave us all free breakfast one morning. At the end of the week, my dad had to sign the title of the car over to the mechanic in order to pay for the repairs and left a post dated check for the motel owners to pay for our room. My parents had finally given in and called my mom's aunt and she paid for them to rent a car to get home. 

We laugh when my dad tells the story of how he scraped together some money to buy another vehicle and told the guy on the lot to show him everything he had under $600. He ended up buying an old beater that hadn't moved in three years. My brother said it looked like an animal had chewed out the middle of the back seat. The windshield was cracked, the battery was dead, and it had four flat tires. My dad said if the guy would replace the windshield and slap a NYS inspection sticker on it, he'd take it! He came home and fixed everything he could and we drove it until it died. 

My mom tells many stories of how she scraped and sacrificed over the years. I've always admired how she went to night school driving an hour and a half each way to get her master's. I don't remember how many semesters it took, but it was long enough to teach me that I never wanted to have to do that. For as long as I can remember, she's always had the attitude of you do what you have to do and you work with what you have. When I was in third grade she took us four kids three days and three nights across country on a Greyhound bus to visit her parents. The only food she had was what she had packed in a brown grocery bag and a little bit of money. It must have been bad because I remember a fellow traveler buying us all breakfast one morning. My grandmother always said she was so relieved when we got there and was sad that my mom looked like she had lost ten pounds on the way!

When it came to home improvement, decorating, fixing cars, landscaping, raising animals, and more things than I can name right now, my parents were always teaching themselves or picking up new skills any way they could. Even today, my dad will almost never pay for someone to do something he can do himself. 

If I could sum up the lessons I've learned from them, I'd have to use the often quoted, where there's a will there's a way. 

I don't know what hardship stories will stick out in my kids' minds about their childhood, but I hope they have some. I hope they remember times where things didn't come easy and they saw us work hard and do without to reach a bigger goal. I hope they realize that struggling for a little while doesn't mean you'll struggle forever and there's plenty to be learned and even fondly remembered in those trying times.

No Greater Joy

This morning I woke up and saw this on my daughter's Instagram.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

This verse is so true. More than happiness or success, fame or fortune, more than even their very health, I desire to see my children follow Jesus. 

Parenting a real live human quickly brings you to your knees. I never realized how flawed and sinful I was until I felt the responsibility to raise my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

What?!? God, I can't do this. Look at how I've failed You here and here and over here. What kind of an example can I be? Lord, please pick up the pieces and bring them to a saving knowledge of You. 

Steve and I have done what we know to do. We've taken them to church, Vacation Bible School, Awana, and youth camp. We've stopped and started family devotions more times than I'd like to admit over the years. We've blown it in big and small ways and asked their forgiveness. We've tried to explain why we do certain things and don't do other things from a Christian perspective. And we've prayed. Both with them and by ourselves, we pray that they will grow up to love and serve Jesus.

Today I give God the glory, great things He has done. May He continue to move and work in the lives of all of my children and may they each grow up to love and serve Him. 

Getting Through the First Goodbye

All over Facebook and Blogland I see mothers of freshman students breaking down as they leave their babies on college campuses for the first time. And I wince for them, feeling the pain, just as when I see one of my kids getting a shot that I know will be good for them in the long run.

I was right in the midst of all those feelings last fall. I didn't know how often I would see or talk to my daughter. I didn't know how much I would know about this new life she was building and where I would fit into it. I think that's the biggest fear of moms at this stage. How will college life change our relationship with our kids?

What I found out pretty quickly though is that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder in this situation. Being away made her enjoy and really want to spend her breaks and vacations with us. We've had a lot fun together this year and I can see that we're on our way to that long awaited parenting promised land of friendship. 

College brought about other positive changes in our relationship as well. I learned that she makes a lot of good decisions on her own and she learned that her parents often have good advice. I got used to not knowing what she was doing all the time and she started sharing more about her activities. I gave up and let her spend her money without as many questions and she discovered that budgeting is important. I started to let go and she reached out. 

This stage of life brings a lot of changes, but they're mostly good ones. Once you get going, it really is satisfying and amazing to see your kids take off on this new adventure. 

So when freshman year comes, cry and hug and bemoan that your baby has grown up. I fully intend to do all that next year when I drop off my son. But also know that you're going to like many of the changes college life brings!

Role Reversal

Role reversal. You hear about it when your kids are babies and you can't comprehend it. Their dependence is so complete and you can't imagine there will ever come a time when they will try to "mother" you. Then they start to grow and learn the word no, thereby showing they have minds of their own and won't always be under your control. But still you think, I'm the parent and older, so naturally I'll always be the one just a couple steps ahead of them. Fast forward another few years and you get a text like this...

Okay, I don't know what to make of this because I'm only barely 43, and apparently already unable to dress myself appropriately. I mean I honestly can't think of a time in my life when I've been planning to meet new people and I've said to myself, yes this is the perfect occasion for workout clothes. 

It seems my kids now think I don't know how to talk, dress, or conduct myself. I'm forever being cautioned to not show too much enthusiasm, not to talk too loudly, and not to draw any undue attention. I'm told when and how I can sing, never to dance, when and how to spend my money and what to cook. I'm informed which things I'm requesting matter and which ones are silly and ridiculous. They bristle at my questions and take offense if I express any doubt about their directives. My children are founts of wisdom no matter their level of experience or knowledge on any subject.

I've heard from parents a little farther down the road that I will regain some of my competence as my children age. Until then, I'll keep riding this out listening to the do's and don'ts of my five quasi dictators. I'd laugh at the irony of it all, if only I was allowed to show mirth of any kind! 

Goodbyes and Graduates

Eleven years ago, I walked into our local elementary school with my first and third graders. I had an almost two year old toddler and was pushing infant twins in a double stroller. We were quite an entourage to say the least! We were new to the school having recently moved and wondered what to expect. And honestly, after a whole summer at home I was a little shell shocked and ready for anyone to give me a break!

Yesterday, those little twins in the stroller graduated from fifth grade at that same elementary school and now my time there has come to a close. In a world where public education so often gets a bum rap, I want to say that this school gets it right. 

My kids received an excellent education there surrounded and supported by many loving teachers and staff. I will really miss it this August when I don't have any little ones to walk in on the first day. 

With elementary school ending, we say goodbye to so many rituals and rhythms that make up these childhood years. Class parties and seasonal crafts, room moms, bulletin boards, theme days, recess, and field trips. Late start times, short bus rides, dropping in for lunch, and watching class programs have come to an end. I know middle and high school bring their own advantages and perks, but elementary school is a sheltered special time in the life of a child. 

Fifth grade graduation has marked the beginning of a new era for each of my kids and we are excited to once again embrace what's ahead. These girls are ready for the increased independence and freedoms of middle school. They're looking forward to trying new clubs and new sports. They'll continue to grow and change immensely over the next several years, but I know they'll always hold a soft spot in their heart for Edmondson Elementary.

7 Ways to Fail at Family Dinners

They say eating dinner together makes you stronger as a family. I hope so because right now I would say only about half of our family dinners are actually pleasant experiences. The rest of the time we operate somewhere on the scale between teeth clenched getting through this the best we can and no one started crying or yelling so it's a success. 

Want to have a enjoyable family dinner? Don't do any of the following...

1. Mix younger and older kids at the table. Pretty much impossible to avoid if you have more than one kid, but try your best. If you live with teenagers, there will almost never be a meal where they are not annoyed, embarrassed, or tortured by the very existence of their younger siblings. They will grow out of it, but in the meantime, it's like walking a tightrope. 

2. Serve leftovers. There will either not be enough to satisfy everyone or it will be a food that someone hoped they might not see for a few weeks. There's just too much room for error.

3. Try to hurry dinner. No matter what the age, kids move slower the more they realize you're in a hurry. Do they usually blow through their meal in five minutes? Plan on thirty if you need to leave early. This will also be the night they spill something. 

4. Make the amounts on the plate uneven. It doesn't matter if it's a good food or a bad food, they will be looking around to see who got more macaroni and cheese, or who had to eat an extra sweet potato. And you will hear all about the unfairness.

5. Serve a food they don't like. Your unpleasant experience will begin as soon as they ask what's for dinner. You're making that just because you know I hate it. Yes, I am. I keep a list of what you hate and try to make things on that list as often as possible. 

6. Insist on table manners. We have been trying to teach manners since our kids were in highchairs, but seriously some nights we have to just let it go. I can repeat again, use a fork, or I can focus on the dinner conversation and hope that they aren't still eating that way at their wedding. 

7. Sit certain people next to or across from each other. There is a delicate seating arrangement that usually brings the most harmony. Messing with this balance comes at a cost. 

So are family dinners even worth the effort? Yes, because sometimes the stars align. Sometimes the mood is just right and we do have great conversations. We linger a little laughing. There's a fellowship and connection that's sweet. So sweet that it erases the memory of all our dinner failures...almost. 

Freshman Finale

My oldest daughter is moving off campus with some friends next semester. Since they will pay rent year round, we actually got to move her into her new bedroom last weekend.

For the last couple months, I've been gathering used furniture and giving it a makeover for her new place. As I've sanded and painted, I've done it with love. Preparing and planning these things is a way to provide and protect her at an age when parenting is no longer very hands on. Hanging decorations and curtains, making the bed, finding ways to make her as comfortable as possible makes me feel like I'm caring for her from afar.

When we arrived her things were piled around the room and she had been sleeping on an air mattress for a few nights. It didn't feel like a place you'd want to hang out. But by the time we left, she was looking forward to sleeping there!

It's amazing how much different I felt moving her into this room than I did her dorm room just last fall. There were so many unknowns dropping her off at college for the first time. So many emotions ending one stage and beginning another. This time I only felt excitement and happiness that she's doing well in school and is enjoying her life there. She's making good decisions and I see her growing up in ways that make me proud.

I can't believe her freshman year is over already. I'm looking forward to having her home for the summer and am excited to see what her sophomore year holds in the fall! 

Sister Love

Watching my girls fight and claw their way through life one minute and then be best friends the next, makes me marvel at the sister relationship. As I was scolding my twins for incessant fighting yesterday, I told them many people would LOVE to have a twin. Then I said, I know I would! One of them immediately piped up, You do! Aunt Lisa! Haha, that struck me so funny! Even though we're five years apart, and had plenty of our share of fights growing up, they see my sister and I as "twins" today. How sweet and flattering!  

Here's a snippet of a conversation I recently overheard between my nephew and my girls:

Does your mom ever plop food down on your plate and let it touch the other food? 

Yes! There's a wide open space and she just sets the food down right on top of the other food. She doesn't even care!  She just mixes it all together and says it all ends up in the same place anyway!

Another time, my brother-in-law mentioned in joking frustration that my sister made a pan of dessert and then cut the very middle piece out for herself. He wondered, Who does something like that? My kids immediately said, My mom!! And it's true. If I've made a dessert for our family, I'm not above cutting out the best piece for myself. And sometimes hiding it to enjoy alone later! :)

Of course food quirks aren't the only thing that Lisa and I share. We're often told our laugh and voices sound the same. We share many mannerisms. On two separate occasions, friends of hers have run into me and later told her, I think I met your sister today. She looked and sounded just like you! 

Lisa is the closest thing I have to a twin for sure. But she's more than that. She's fun to be with, a loyal friend, and someone who's always there to listen. I can tell her most anything because she understands things from the same reference point and history that I do. Plus she's seen me at my craziest and still loves me! My sister is a treasure in my life and I hope all my girls will grow up to feel the same way about each other.

January...Why Can't We Be Friends?

In my mind, January is always full of grand plans and accomplishments. I'm going to hit the ground running and make the first month of the new year awesome! In reality, the powers that be of sick and snow days show me who's boss every time.

My view all week.

Just when I finally readjust to alarm clocks and packing lunches, just when I start to think I can maybe get back in a routine after the holidays, someone gets sick. For days and days with nothing specific, only the dreaded low grade fever that occurs every evening as you start to envision all of your children attending school the next day. Should such a fantasy pop up, you will immediately be plunged into the depths of despair by someone declaring, I don't feel good. Aaaaaah!!!!!!

If no one gets sick in January, a minuscule amount of snow will fall and school will be canceled, also for days on end. Mothers here will be seen driving all over town in search of something to occupy bored, cooped up children, yet it will be too dangerous for them to ride the bus in the morning. 

And always, always, my husband will be traveling. In our house, sick and snow days don't happen on the weekends. No, those are strictly a Monday through Friday thing. 

This week I dealt with sickness, next week might be snow. But today, everyone is healthy and the weather is nice. I'm going for the gusto while I can!

What's your experience with this month that holds the most potential in a year? Does January taunt you, too?

Fathers and Sons

When our children are babies and little people, we can't imagine them ever growing taller, faster, or stronger than us. We can't imagine that there will come a time when they'll best us in a game on their own merit and not because we've stacked the deck in their favor. But all too quickly it seems, they grow and change. 

I'm so excited to be guest posting on the Coach Daddy blog today. Because Eli's blog is a lot about fatherhood and sports, I thought it would be a good place to sort out my feelings on a phenomenon I've observed in our family this year. Please click here to read When Dad Loses to Son. 


Sports have always been a huge part of the relationship between my husband and our two sons. Some dads teach their kids to hunt and fish, some teach them about cars, Steve has taught our boys about sports. It's been fun for me to watch this evolve over the years, especially since I'm not a sporty person and still don't know the rules for many of them. I always enjoy cheering them on though!

For years, I remember Steve taking the kids out to play after dinner. Our oldest son used to grab his mitt and beg him to throw baseballs as high as he could to practice his catching. The two of them have practiced baseball, basketball, and lacrosse in our yard over and over. They've ran races, biked, and swam together.

Through the years, one constant remained. Dad could win! He might not always choose to win, but there was never a doubt that it was possible. He was faster, stronger, and more experienced. Not so anymore. Over the past few years, my seventeen year old has closed the gap and now surpasses his dad in speed, strength, agility, and stamina.

This feels weird. It's weird for both my husband and my son. My son still says Dad is bigger and stronger, even though it's obviously not true. I think it's just as hard for him to accept this strange turn of events as it is for his father.

I've asked my husband how he feels about this a few times and he says he still hasn't really admitted it to himself. I think watching our kids grow up and move past us reminds us of our own mortality and makes us face the fact that we're aging out of the world of youth we've been a part of so long. I think he wonders what happens now that the roles are reversed. Of course, they can still watch sports together, but the playing has changed. Does my son now have to hold back on his dad? Does he have to throw a few games to make his dad feel good?

My husband jokes that he might take up sports our son isn't good at like golf to keep it even a little longer. And at least he'll still be ahead of our younger son for a few more years!



To Be Better About Accepting the Imperfect

Every year, our family makes New Year's resolutions. It's neat to hear the goals my kids have and it's fun to see how successful they are in keeping them. This year we were away for New Year's Eve, so we did our resolutions around this restaurant table.

It's not easy to take a family selfie in a mirror!

Unfortunately, my mind was completely blank. I couldn't set one. I don't have any vices I'm willing to give up, and everything else I considered seemed too small and inconsequential. 

Then last night, I returned absolutely exhausted by vacation. Worn out emotionally from the pulls of the season and with a raging headache. Family vacation...not known for its restful effect on parents anyway, really wiped me out after all the hoopla of the holidays.

Oh, I'm glad we went. I'm glad we made memories and laughed and had fun together. I truly am! I'm also glad to be home again. And that's exactly the way family vacation goes. One minute it's great and the next minute it mocks you.

One day your husband is smiling and saying...

Let's get away for New Year's Eve this year. Let's go to New York City!

And the next he's proclaiming...

If I ever say let's do New York City the week of New Year's Eve, shoot me. Because I've clearly lost my mind and I'm crazy. 

In family vacation fantasies, everyone is smiling and family togetherness could not be any sweeter. In family vacation reality, at least one person is sulking at all times and you hear things like...

Stop touching me. Don't lean on me. Don't walk in front of me. Why is this taking so long?!? Eeewww, you're gross! 

And can I be really honest? Family vacation can have you feeling like the best mom one minute and the worst the next. It can make you feel like an awesome family one hour and a complete mess the next. 

Which leads me to my New Year's resolution to be better about accepting the imperfect. Perfect is not going to happen. It's an illusion. For every enjoyable moment, there will be frustrating moments you wish would go away. There will be laughter and tears, close talks and fervent arguments, smiles and glares. 

Our family vacations are never going to look like a Disney commercial no matter how many Instagram filters we slap on them. And I bet yours won't either. And that's okay. Because imperfect is not a fail. It's just real life lived out with real people that make it all really worth it!

What's your New Year's resolution this year?

The Most Annoying Sound

Aaaah, Christmas vacation. Time to relax and really focus on the reason for the season. No more school. Just me at home with my five little angels making memories. Time to listen to sleigh bells, children laughing, Christmas carols, and STOOOOOP!!!!!!  What? STOOOOOP!!!!!! isn't on your list of traditional Christmas sounds? It is in this house. Listen to what I'll be hearing my kids say to each other 5948304039 times a day...

(If you can't see the video, it's basically a one second clip of my daughter yelling STOOOOOP!!!!!!)

Is there a more annoying sound? I can actually feel my blood pressure rise and muscles clench when I hear it. I have an immediate urge to scream STOOOOOP!!!!!! saying STOOOOOP!!!!!!

Sibling rivalry does not take a Christmas vacation. They must be plotting ways to annoy each other...constantly. They all know which buttons to push and they never get tired of getting a reaction.

Thoughts that run through my head when I hear STOOOOOP!!!!!!

Why???!?

What. Are. They. Doing?????

Do they like getting in trouble??!?

Why can they not just mind their own business???!

If I have to get involved, it's not going to be pretty!!!!!

Why????!?

So if you're at home enjoying the sounds of sibling rivalry mixed in with When can we start opening presents? How come so and so has more presents than me under the tree? I just thought of something else I want for Christmas! Can I open just one present today? I felt the presents and I think I know what you got me. Know you're not alone. It's not Norman Rockwell, but it is Normal Everyday Life!

P.S. Video credits to my middle schooler who recorded that annoying exchange between his two younger sisters and then brought it to me so he could get them in trouble. I guess I forgot to add tattling to my list of unwelcome Christmas sounds! :)

A Birthday Wish for My Son

This week was my oldest son's seventeenth birthday. That seems unfathomable to me. I can remember the day he was born like yesterday.

I want to mark this special occasion on my blog, but what you're allowed to say as a mom about a boy that age in public is very limited. Gushing words declaring my undying love would not go over well, though of course my love for him knows no bounds. Sharing silly stories or personal conversations on here is off limits, though I savor our conversations and store them up like jewels. 

I imagine we're to a stage many a mother and son have passed through before. One where I admire who he is becoming and wait with anticipation to see what he will do next. Physically, he is almost full grown, though when I look at him I still sometimes see my little boy. Intellectually, he's changing and maturing. We can talk politics and current events and I marvel that this has happened in the blink of an eye. He has embraced the freedom driving has given him this year and takes on more responsibilities and commitments outside of our home now. 

And yet, there still exists a boisterous boy a little too willing to take risks. One who isn't done maturing and could easily find himself making decisions he might later regret. This is also something I'm sure many a mother has feared for her son. There is parenting left to do. Important work and I want to finish well.

I view my son with pride and love and nostalgia as I know that all too soon he will leave and make his own way in the world. I hope he will always come home and allow his father and I to share in his life. Allow us to have conversations and laughter with him, allow us the privilege of knowing and loving him as he becomes the man God made him to be. 

I think of all these things as I wish him Happy Birthday!

How To Make Your Middle Schooler Mad

Mom confession time...Sometimes I take delight in teasing and annoying my kids just for the fun of it. Can anyone else relate?

If you're the kind of mom that thinks it's funny to annoy a middle school boy, this list is for you! You can send your kid into meltdown mode doing any of the following...

Dance. It doesn't have to be for long. It can be just a couple seconds of you busting out your moves! 

Sing. A few bars in the car are enough to make them cringe. It's also the best way to get them to change the radio station without argument. You sing a few words and they can't pick a new station fast enough!

Talk above a whisper in public. If anyone, anywhere, including the person you're talking to, can hear you, it's completely embarrassing and will get a rise out of your middle schooler. 

Let a younger sibling wear a costume out in public. The protests will be swift and immediate.

Use their nickname in front of their friends. A dirty look and warning eyes will shoot your way in seconds.

Make him go shopping...this is a sure fire way to make him miserable. Bonus points if it's for fabric or wallpaper. These are still haunting memories from husband's childhood! 

Enjoy yourself too much in any way. Laughing, telling jokes, smiling, getting excited. None of that is allowed. Again the potential for embarrassment by mom is just too high!

And last, but not least, write a blog post about how to annoy your middle schooler. Eyes are guaranteed to roll!

A Letter To My Daughter

Dearest Daughter,

This weekend you asked me quite the question: Are younger or older children more fun? 

It reminded me of when Laura Ingalls in Little House In the Big Woods wonders if Pa likes brown or golden hair best. 

Such a question. Both are wonderful, both fill this mother's heart with love and it's impossible to say. What I can say is what's fun about you, at age 18 in your first semester of college. 

I love that you call me and want to spend time together. 

I like that we have deeper conversations and share meaningful things at this stage. 

It's a bit of a relief that you make more of your own decisions now. I can relax and breathe knowing you've got this!

It's awesome that you're learning new things and teaching us a thing or two. 

It's fun that we share a similar sense of humor and can laugh and joke together. 

It's exhilarating to follow you into a store for younger people and buy a pair of jeans that are hip!

It touches me that you're becoming a friend and mentor to your siblings.

It makes me happy to see you following God. I have no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4

I delight in seeing who you're becoming, hearing about how you enjoy your major, and discovering more about who you are. 

You see my girl, the answer to your question isn't a simple one. Children of all ages are fun. But you...I love you just the way you are right now, and the way you were yesterday, and the way you'll be tomorrow. Because I love you, at any age.

A Perfect Day

Sometimes you have a perfect day. 

The sun shines, the plans you made go well, and the people you spend it with fill your heart with joy. 

Sometimes a perfect day is being by myself, sometimes it's spending time with friends, but most of the time it's being with family.

Waiting for a hayride...

At the pumpkin patch...

In the corn maze...

Appreciating farm animals...

Carving pumpkins...

and lighting Jack-O-Lanterns...

Whatever we do, it's always more fun when we do it together...

The Great Minimizers

Have you ever noticed that kids are great minimizers? They seem to think that nothing they want you to do takes any time, money or effort. Everything they want takes just a few minutes, a couple dollars, and is so easy. They have a way of making rock solid parenting reasoning and requests sound ridiculous.

My boys say things like...

Why can't you run to the car?!? Just because you don't want to get two raindrops on you?!?

Shutting off the TV, Mom? It's really important to save that 5 cents.

Can we stop at Sonic? Why not? It will take two seconds!

I don't want to go to New York City. There's nothing to do there.

Every job is easy, and all skills are attainable for them.

I could be a surgeon. What's so hard about cutting people open?

Dad takes out people to dinner. He eats dinner for a living. 

If I was the coach, we'd win every game!

You name it, they'll claim they can do it better, cheaper, and faster than any experts. No training or education needed.

Sometimes, minimizing comes in handy. Like for doing projects. I think maybe my girls might get a little of their attitude toward projects from me...Anyone else ever attack home improvement with the idea that it will be fast, cheap, and easy?!?

With their minimizing talent, my girls can create things out of nothing. Dad won't build a swing? No problem. Just grab a tree branch, cobble together some bungee cords and jump ropes, and voila!

I have no idea how that thing didn't come crashing down!

Mom and Dad won't buy a hammock? No problem. Just take the net from the back of van, hook who knows what else to it, and trust your entire body weight to this contraption. A thin blanket will for sure break your fall in the unlikely event something you create doesn't work!

On the one hand minimizing is annoying and on the other inspiring. If only we could keep such confidence in our abilities, intelligence, looks, and all around general awesomeness into our adult years. Think of the things we could accomplish, or at least attempt to accomplish. All in just a couple minutes for a few dollars and very little effort!

Deciding What to Keep and What to Let Go

I usually have no problem parting with things we don't need anymore. In fact, I throw away/donate/get rid of so many things that my kids don't believe me when I say I don't know where their treasures went. I'm the first person they suspect when something goes missing. But today I was cleaning the bathroom and came across these in the far recesses of a cabinet.

The end of an era. Our last bathtub toys. They probably haven't seen water in at least a couple years and I can't imagine my girls will be asking for them again, but I hesitated to just toss them. Long gone are the days of starting the tub, throwing a couple kids in it, and dumping the toys in the water to provide a little entertainment. The squeals of delight, the bubbles, and the slippery smooth bodies cuddled in a towel have all disappeared. Only the toys remain.

Then I thought about all this in the playroom...

For some reason, the boys outgrew their toys more quickly and they all disappeared gradually. Getting rid of these will require effort. I don't want to let go of the dollhouses, Polly Pockets and Barbies. Many of these things belonged to my oldest and were passed down to the twins. They've been moved from house to house and entertained children over and over. We've gotten rid of a lot of toys over the years, but these have always stayed in the "keep" pile.

My youngest are in their last year of elementary school. There won't be many more scenes like this one greeting me in the hallway.

They don't need wheelchairs and strollers for their stuffed animals anymore.

This will be the first Christmas I don't think I'll have any toys to buy. It's freeing and it's sad. I always had fun looking at their lists, choosing their special presents, and picturing their happiness at finding them under the tree.

I'm going to say goodbye to the bathtub toys, but hold off on cleaning out the playroom a little longer...until I'm sure they won't be entering that particular world of imagination anymore.

And someday, I hope I have the joy of picking out more toys and seeing the faces of my grandchildren light up like this when they open them!

So excited to open their Dora Dollhouse while wearing their new Dora pajamas!

How Much is Too Much and Who Decides?

Have you seen this article, Parenting as a Gen Xer: We're the first generation of parents in the age of iEverything? It's just too good not to share. Alison Slater Tate writes that we are the last generation that had a technology free childhood and we're the first generation to raise children that have never known anything other than a world with Google at their fingertips and screens galore. So true! No wonder I struggle to find balance and parenting direction in this area.

It seems everywhere I look, I'm pressured to limit screen time, cautioned to keep my kids from their phones, or told I'm potentially failing as a parent if I use the Internet too much in front of them. 

On the other hand, I'm told my kids need to stay up to date on technology and that I need to provide experience on computers. Even our local elementary school includes a lot of technology in the classroom. It's a natural part of the environment they're growing up in.

My youngest FaceTiming before school.

Tate's article also points out that we're the generation that has the task of bridging the technology gap between our baby boomer parents and our kids. Many grandparents question why their grandchildren are often connected to a screen. Why are they on it so much? Are they addicted? Many grandchildren can't understand how their grandparents live without wifi and smart phones. How can they stand it? Aren't they bored? Tate admits that...

When it comes to parenting, I find this middle place extremely uncomfortable, because I know what childhood and adolescence were like before the Internet, and my parenting models all came from that era.

I agree with Tate. I can understand the perspectives of both my parents and my children when it comes to technology. Sometimes I want to get rid of all of it and sometimes I find myself caught up in the hype of the new iphone! Twitter, Instagram and FaceTime may always feel a little stilted to me, but they're as natural as breathing for my kids.

My children are growing up communicating differently than I did and with much more access to information and the world around them. Unless I move them to a deserted island, I'll continue to have to walk the the fine line, or more realistically the wavy line, trying to figure out how much is too much. In the end, my goal is to teach my kids to use the internet and social media responsibly. 

It was comforting to me to read Tate's concluding words...

The truth is, my generation of parents are pioneers here, like it or not. We’re the last of the Mohicans. We can try as hard as we want to push back and to carve space into our children’s lives for treehouses and puzzles and Waldorf-style dolls, but in the end, our children will grow up with the whole world at their fingertips, courtesy of a touch screen, and they will have to learn how to find the balance between their cyber and real worlds. It is scary. I don’t think I even believe there is a “right way” to parent with technology. But acknowledging that what we are doing is unprecedented – that no study yet knows exactly what this iChildhood will look like when our children are full grown people – feels like an exhale of sorts.

How about you? Have you struggled finding a balance with your kids and technology? Do you feel torn in different directions like I do?

The Things You Do For Your Kids

Did you hear the iPhone 6 came out? Not exactly new news, right? Well, you would have thought it was the only thing going on in the world with the amount time and energy we've devoted to upgrading our phones this week.

First let me give you the background...Two teens with phones that have cracked screens and barely functional Wifi from hitting the floor so many times. Two people that rue the day they let me talk them into buying the iPhone 4 with only 8GB instead of the one they wanted with 16 GB. Believe me, I've heard about it every time they couldn't download an app due to a lack of storage. So...six months after our upgrade date, they waited impatiently for the arrival of the iPhone 6. They couldn't wait to throw off their shackles and own the latest and greatest. 

Of course, they optimistically assumed one would be waiting for them in the store on the first day...NOT. When they realized pre-ordering would make them wait a few extra weeks, where do you think they turned to make their elusive dream a reality? Good. Old. Mom. Possibly the least likely person to care about getting the iPhone 6 on the first day. 

Of course, they protested. You don't care because your phone still works. Our phones are held together by packing and duct tape because we thought we were invincible and didn't think a case was necessary. Can we camp out? Can you camp out? Can you run down there at the crack of dawn and wait however long it takes? Wait Mom, if you do all that and there's only one, can I have it?!?

Victory was ours last Friday when I found some at Sam's Club. However, the spoils went to me and my son because my daughter had yet to make her final choice. She didn't decide until a couple days later when there weren't any left. So the waiting, begging, and complaining came my way again.

Today though, there is hopefully a happy ending to this story. I'm a tad frustrated and hungry waiting in a 45 minute line at Apple as we speak, but my fingers are crossed. It's a good time to draft a blog post musing on why moms do the things they do. I guess it's out of love. It's to see our kids' happy faces and hear thanks, mom. It's to get them off our backs so we don't have to hear the whining anymore. :). Whatever the reason, moms are out there waiting in lines, working behind the scenes, smoothing the path to make things the best they can for their kids. 

Also, it's because of these texts...

I guess I can stand waiting here a little longer. No guarantees on the not looking at her new phone though. Ha!!