Dr. Mom on Duty

Anyone else have hypochondriacs in their family? I think a couple of my kids are prone to this for certain. My strong, healthy, sixteen year old son is claiming a left chest injury from a sneeze and a back injury from stretching. This is the same boy who worked out for two hours this morning. My nine year old daughter is claiming a knee injury that appeared with no rhyme or reason. This grave condition has apparently been bothering her since January, although last night at dinner was the first I've ever heard of it.

On any given day, at least one child has an ailment that they would like me to call the doctor about. I'm of the wait and see school of thought. As in, let's see if I yell, "Cookies!" and that knee injury, stomachache, toothache, headache, limp, and whatever else doesn't just magically disappear. I mean hiccups that last longer than five minutes can start someone begging for the doctor around here! Blisters are reason to question life expectancy.

My kids, of course, are skeptical of my doctoring abilities. They do not believe that I can diagnose a fever by pressing my cheek to their forehead. It has yet to fail me in 18 years though. Sure, I can't tell the exact temperature, but I can tell if it's worth a search of the house for a thermometer that may or may not be sanitary, accurate, or functional.

They do not believe in my number one cure for most any of their ailments, Go to bed and see how it is in the morning. True problems will still exist and 99.9% of the rest will be gone. It seems like no "sickness" is ever reason for extra sleep in their minds.

Another test I use to determine if they're really sick is to see if it will interfere with any of their social plans. As in, they have a stomachache for school, but are completely able to go out with friends that night? Hmmm...I'm calling shenanigans on that one. Legs that are so painful you cannot walk up the stairs and need to stay home during the NCAA basketball tournament? Hmmm...not falling for it!


But in order to stem the tide of tears from said nine year old with the debilitating knee injury last night, I said I would write down the date and problem and see what it's like in a week. I think I can safely throw that piece of paper away. So far today she has run around the house chasing a sibling, played in her volleyball game, rode her bike, and is now outside practicing volleyball again. I have not heard one peep about the knee.

Will the local hospital be calling to hire me anytime soon? No, absolutely not. Let's leave the true medical emergencies to the professionals. I'll just continue to prevent their waiting room from being filled by my kids who think they're in danger of losing their fingers (don't worry, it's a splinter), rashes that my patients are sure will be fatal (calm down, that's poison ivy), and children suffering from painful lacerations caused by homework (I promise, paper cuts don't need stitches).

Are any of you playing Dr. Mom today, too?


29 comments:

  1. After 5 kids, I imagine you're completely immune to their whinging about minor ailments & don't fall for any of it. I was always less than sympathetic with my twin daughters' ficticious illnesses over the years & they didn't get away with anything. On a slightly more worrying note, now that they're at uni, they don't bother the GP even when they are ill!
    As moms, I guess we're not as gullible as our kids think?

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    1. It is true, I've heard them cry wolf so many times that it sometimes takes me a little longer to address true complaints! I can see how it would be worrying with your daughters away. It's hard to tell how serious something is when you're not there.

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  2. Wow, I'll bet I've got all of this to come Marie! I think you are spot on with the wait and see prognosis!

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    1. It's definitely coming your way! I don't think any moms escape it. :)

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  3. So funny! I definitely am a fan of the wait and see approach - that takes care of 99% of the ailments! I think every kid is a hypochondriac.

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    1. So true, Lana! Glad mine aren't the only ones! :)

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  4. I had only one hypochondriac child, but then the other child caught that horrible disease. lol

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    1. That's funny, Pat! :) I think it must be pretty catchy! Thanks for reading!

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  5. Oh yes, I'm of the wait and see variety as well, cures most ills :) As do plasters/band aids! Mine aren't too bad so far, but I imagine in another year or so my oldest will try it on every so often :) #ShareWithMe

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    1. Yay for band aids! I carry them in my purse at all times! :)

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  6. This is me. Totally. I am so not blessed with the Florence Nightingale gene. If they can walk then they are going to school. Mine receive the 100% attendance certificate every year without fail!

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    1. Love it! I see you're a kindred spirit. My oldest has gotten the perfect attendance certificate and somehow that's always viewed as a negative on my parenting abilities by her :)

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  7. Oh yes even though my two are very young my two and half year old is always saying the toy broke his foot he can't go to bed and crying his eyes out that his eyes are sore so no bath is needed etc Smart for a little guy. He has a tummy ache so he doesn't have to eat his dinner. And even throwing husbands in the mess of it all his cold turns into a natural disaster and calling all ambulances in the area moment. So I see where the 2 and 1/2 year old gets it from his daddy. hahahaha I love this post. I remember doing many of these things to my mother myself. hahaha You are too clever for your kids. I do the cheek to the forehead because god knows really where I put that thermometer and like you said probably not sanitary or functional. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. Loved it and your blog. #sharewithme

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    1. Thanks, Jenny! Sounds like you'll have to be playing Dr. Mom a lot over the years! They start learning what pushes our buttons early! :)

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  8. Oh my goodness yes! My eldest has THE sorest tooth and my son always has a tummy ache on preschool swimming days! My youngest is genuinely poorly at the moment but insists she isn't...
    x

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    1. That's cute! Funny how sometimes they don't want to slow down or miss anything when they really are sick!

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  9. Dear Marie . . . You're a brilliant writer. I love your style . . . and I appreciate that I can easily relate to every thing you write about :0) You're one of my favorite blogs to visit!!
    I hope you have a fun weekend with your beautiful family,
    Suzanne

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    1. Thanks, Suzanne! You're so sweet and I appreciate your compliment. :) This is the big high school graduation weekend, so I'm sure it will be a weekend to remember!

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  10. I have one son and he is just 3 going 4 next month. I told him he's got fever 2 days ago and he told me he didnt have any and yet he is so hot at nights. I can so relate with this post this early =P #ShareWithMe

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    1. I hope your little guy is feeling better soon!!

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  11. Ha ha, I love this! My baby is only six months old, but I'm sure we will use the sleep on it method with most illnesses, we already have once or twice. I'm a nurse and there's a saying, "we only go to the Dr. when we're dying."

    My hubby is a emt/firefighter and really appreciates parents like you. There are unfortunately some who call 911 when their little one stubs a toe, pitches a fit, didn't poop today, etc. (those have all really been ambulance calls he's been to)

    I found your post through the BeYoutiful link up.

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    1. Thanks, Jessica! Glad you enjoyed it! I don't think your little one will stand a chance with getting anything health related by a nurse and an EMT. :)

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  12. Mine are pretty good to be honest, I'd worry if they thought something was wrong that a quick shout at the offending brother didn't sort out.

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  13. lol lol this sounds like my house except it tend to be hubby trying to get out of his turn to cook tea! ;-)

    thanks for linking up with #MagicMoments x

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  14. I ignore most of my 3 yo's ailments - at the moment, once he gets it in his head that something's poorly, everything is poorly. Thankfully a cuddle solves most things for him, although there was one time where he'd been moaning of a poorly ear - (not consistently, and changing his mind along with adding body parts) - turned out 5 weeks later, that he did indeed have a bit of an infection. Oops.

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    1. Love it when cuddling solves most issues! It's hard to tell what's serious and what's not serious when the complaints about which body parts keep changing! :)

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  15. I was totally raised with the idea that "sleep is the best medicine" and I still hold fast to that principle, and I hate going to the doctor so I have no problem just waiting certain things out. Dr. Mom has common sense advice. Thanks for sharing with HDYDI!

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