On any given day, at least one child has an ailment that they would like me to call the doctor about. I'm of the wait and see school of thought. As in, let's see if I yell, "Cookies!" and that knee injury, stomachache, toothache, headache, limp, and whatever else doesn't just magically disappear. I mean hiccups that last longer than five minutes can start someone begging for the doctor around here! Blisters are reason to question life expectancy.
My kids, of course, are skeptical of my doctoring abilities. They do not believe that I can diagnose a fever by pressing my cheek to their forehead. It has yet to fail me in 18 years though. Sure, I can't tell the exact temperature, but I can tell if it's worth a search of the house for a thermometer that may or may not be sanitary, accurate, or functional.
They do not believe in my number one cure for most any of their ailments, Go to bed and see how it is in the morning. True problems will still exist and 99.9% of the rest will be gone. It seems like no "sickness" is ever reason for extra sleep in their minds.
Another test I use to determine if they're really sick is to see if it will interfere with any of their social plans. As in, they have a stomachache for school, but are completely able to go out with friends that night? Hmmm...I'm calling shenanigans on that one. Legs that are so painful you cannot walk up the stairs and need to stay home during the NCAA basketball tournament? Hmmm...not falling for it!
Will the local hospital be calling to hire me anytime soon? No, absolutely not. Let's leave the true medical emergencies to the professionals. I'll just continue to prevent their waiting room from being filled by my kids who think they're in danger of losing their fingers (don't worry, it's a splinter), rashes that my patients are sure will be fatal (calm down, that's poison ivy), and children suffering from painful lacerations caused by homework (I promise, paper cuts don't need stitches).
Are any of you playing Dr. Mom today, too?